My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
