tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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