So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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