"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
