Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
