Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
