uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize