He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
