I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
