I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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