hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
