I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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