I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
