Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
