the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
