Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize