I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
