did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
