as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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