It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was confusing and full of hummus
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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