So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
