What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
