I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
