I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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