Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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