Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
