his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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