I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
