is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
