Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
