You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
