They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
