How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize