After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
