3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize