mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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