I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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