You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dick very happy bro
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
