Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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