college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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