I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize