She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
