her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
