my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
