the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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