And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
