just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
