Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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