How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
