My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
