I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
