he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize