just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
