I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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