If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
