My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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