also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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