Plan B is the new Plan A
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
