so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
