i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
