So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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