While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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