i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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