Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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