I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
