When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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