Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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