wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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