I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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