the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
