someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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