Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
