This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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