There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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