im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
