she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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