is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
