Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
