you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
