I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
