Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i barfeds in our rink
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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