I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Vodka?
Forever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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