I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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