They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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