So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
