I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize