Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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