I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
