he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
