I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
