Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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