Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he puts the penis in happiness.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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