Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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