I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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