Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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